I'm a cheat...AND a chicken

I'm a cheat and a fraud. 

My current twitter profile picture (I think the cool kidz are calling this an "avatar") is of me at my friend's wedding nearly 4 years ago.  I don't see the point in being modest about this...I looked HOT.  I had lost 3 stone, I could wear a flippy silk dress, I HAD A WAIST.  I had a boyfriend too - granted, he was a thoroughly crap one that told me that I was still too fat, but I could pretend to myself for a bit that he liked me and that made me like myself a bit more (yes, I really am that shallow.)

I see this avatar more than a dozen times a day. Sometimes I let myself click into it and I do a happy sigh because of my tiny waist (it's teeny!) and my small(er) boobs that fitted into pretty chocolate brown, spotty bras.  The picture makes me happy but I really do feel like a massive fraud, because it's just not me any more.  People who "do" twitter will know that it has an unintended secondary function as a free dating site and that the opportunity to flirt with total strangers is one that is regularly taken up.  I've had countless direct (i.e. private) messages from guys who, if they knew what I really look like, simply wouldn't have bothered.  And I feel bad about it because the picture is a big fat lie.  (For the avoidance of doubt, I've never dated anyone from twitter.  NEVER.  So don't judge me, yeah?) 

Anyway, part of the reason I've put Hot Pic on twitter is to counteract the misery which has been induced by the result of my recent enforced work photo session.  I'd been in Australia for three weeks and arrived back at the office to find 3 new members of staff (this is about 40% of our entire staff), one of which informed me that I was having my photo taken for the firm's website the following day.  Dude.  Not the best way to get on my good side.  This resulted in a total sense of humour failure on my part.  3 weeks in Australia had made me even fatter - yes, it's actually possible! WHO KNEW???!  A 24-hour flight had left me shattered with puffy eyes and dark circles, crappy skin, bent double through back pain...I'd completely lost my smiles.   

Now, I'm pretty good at Faking It.  I do this a lot of the time, for example, doing my best to shelve my sadness when I'm around others.  I failed to Fake It on photoshoot day.  I was grumpy, embarrassed by my heft and chins (plural), angry that a proactive new colleague (I would just like to say at this point, he's lovely) was inflicting Fat Website Photo on me. After the pictures were taken, I legged it to the loo and cried for ten minutes.  Not minor sniffles - full on sobbing.  I was devastated (again - yes, I really am this shallow.)  I never let people take my photograph...it's a self-preservation thing.  I can kid myself that whilst it's clear that I am fat, it's not that bad, and then I see a photograph and it hits me like a punch in my stomach and I see what other people are seeing and it's both genuinely devastating and surprisingly shocking every time.  I won't look at my firm's website at all now, I just can't bear it.  I'm mortified and embarrassed that clients that I've never met now know what a slob they deal with every day.

I keep telling myself that I'm really going to start dieting.  I've started eating porridge in the morning (Rude Health's Morning Glory is AMAZING, try it) and I'm trying to take sandwiches in for lunch.  I went so far as to buy these ridiculous things called Slim Sticks which I suspect are utter bullsh*t and certainly taste bloody terrible.  I keep finding that I diet brilliantly for a day and then the next I'm just rubbish. 

ANYWAY.  Last weekend I made Hainan chicken.  It's healthy and amazing and I've been asked for the recipe by several people, so I said I'd blog it.

Ingredients:

For the chicken bit

Medium chicken - get a good one, you're going to poach it and make a stock soup

A big knob of ginger, sliced - don't bother peeling it

The green ends of a bunch of spring onions, the bits that you'd ordinarily throw out

A banana shallot or a few regular ones, peeled and cut into chunks

1/2 tsp of whole black peppercorns

2 star anise

Fish sauce 

Water

For the rice bit

Basmatic rice - I had about 300 mls (see point 6 below) - this makes loads.

A clove or two of garlic

(A little vegetable oil...maybe - see below)

For the finished dish

Cucumber, sliced

Spring onions, sliced

Coriander, chopped

Sesame oil

Light soy sauce

HOT chilli sauce.  You could make this, I couldn't be bothered so bought some from the local shop.

(I forgot to take this before I'd put the chicken in the pan...)

Untruss your chicken and cut off the extra bits of fat around the neck hole.  DO NOT THROW THESE AWAY.  Stuff the chicken cavity with the spring onion greens and the ginger slices.  Put the chicken into an enormous lidded pan, cover with cold water, add the peppercorns, star anise, shallots and a huge shake of fish sauce.

Bring the chicken to the boil, skimming off the manky white stuff and put the lid on  It should like a bit like this:

Cook it at a very gentle simmer for about 45 minutes.  I thought it would take longer than this, but mine was falling apart and blood free at this point so I whisked it out of the water, popped it on a plate, extracted the stuff from the cavity and put that back in the stock and covered the chicken with foil to keep it a bit warm.

This next bit is boring.  Taste the stock - it's a bit watery and boring, yes?  You need to reduce it like crazy.  Take the lid off and boil it furiously.  This takes FOREVER.  I think I watched a whole episode of The House of Eliott while I was reducing my stock.  (I love The House of Eliott.  I'm so old.)  Keep tasting it so that you don't turn it off too soon; I know, it's really tempting because this bit is soooooooo dull, but it's worth it in the end, I promise. Oh, and keep adding more fish sauce.  It tastes good!

Once your stock almost tastes like something you could drink (you're going to drink it later), start on your rice.  Remember that chicken fat that you saved from earlier?  You need to render that down in a smallish saucepan.  If you haven't got enough fat or can't be bothered to do this, just use a little bit of vegetable oil.  Try to avoid eating the crispy chicken skin.  I TOTALLY avoided eating the crispy chicken skin.*

Measure out your rice in a jug (there is a reason for this, honest).  I think mine was came up to the 300ml mark.  Pour the rice into a sieve and rinse it thoroughly to remove the starch.  

Crush the garlic cloves into the chicken fat, cook for a few seconds and then throw in the rice.  Fry this off for a few minutes and then add 600 ml of the now-tasty chicken stock. This is why you measured the rice in the jug - you need double the volume of liquid to rice. It should bubble furiously then turn the heat down as low as it can go, put the lid on and let it cook for 20 minutes.  DO NOT TOUCH THE LID.

After 20 minutes and another 1/3 of an episode of The House of Elliot (I'm obsessed) have a look at the rice.  DO NOT REMOVE THE LID.  I hope to god that you have a glass lid otherwise you're going to be a bit screwed at this stage.  Assuming that you have a glass lid, tip the rice to the side LEAVING THE LID ON to see if there's any liquid remaining. There was in mine so I cooked it for another 4 minutes and crossed my fingers.  If there's no liquid, turn off the heat, LEAVE THE LID ON and let it sit there for 10 minutes, becoming delightfully fluffy in its own steam.

Chop up your vegetables - thin slices of spring onion, half slices of peeled cucumber, chopped coriander.  Carve up your chicken - it should still be a bit warm but it doesn't need to be, nor should be, hot.  Drizzle it with a tiny bit of sesame oil and a little soy sauce. Take the lid off the rice and fluff it up with a fork.  Taste it - it's AMAZING.  

Serve it as you see fit.  I shaped my rice in a bowl (because I'm a git) and sliced up a whole chicken breast.  Pour yourself a cup of the soup to drink too because it's pretty delicious.  

Basically, you've got the hot rice, warm chicken, cool crisp vegetables and drops of hot hot chilli sauce on top with the refreshing soup to drink alongside.  Look, see?  

This is pretty close to my food heaven which is strange as it's actually pretty healthy.  I didn't get to this size by liking healthy food.  However, as much as I love it, it's a little time consuming.  It's not something you can cook when you get home from work - it's definitely a weekend recipe.  My main problem during the week is that I'm always so tired and I just don't have the energy to cook anything spectacular after work...which is when I turn to the takeaway.

So.  I challenge YOU, my readership of 3, to send me your super-speedy, low-effort, inexpensive, salmon-and-tinned-tomato-free recipes that I can prepare in minutes in the evening.  (Oh, and since I ate weever fish at the weekend, I've gone off fish a little bit unless it's mackerel or cod-type-fishes.  Or shellfish.  Or squid.  Meaty fish now freaks me out, so none of that thanks.)

And seriously, make this.  It's a goodun.

* I ate the crispy chicken skin.

Strange times

I haven't blogged for ages.  This is largely for the following reasons:

(a) I haven't really cooked anything for a while; and
(b) I'm just getting fatter and fatter.

I find myself in a very weird and uneasy situation: one where I'm totally unhappy with my life, with myself...hating the way that I look and feeling that my weight is responsible for a good 80% of my misery (I have been thin - I KNOW it's good being in that gang) and yet I'm seemingly powerless to do anything about it. 

I arrange nights out.  I eat anything and everything that I want when I'm out, taking no care to avoid the bit that's fried.  I invite people over for lunch and cook them onglet with beef dripping chips and mayonnaise. 

Our systems went down at work today and I went out to do various bank-related stuff.  On the way back to the office I noticed that FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER there wasn't a queue around the block at Chilango, so in I walked.  Burritos aren't even really my thing.  I could have had a salad.  I could even have had a relatively healthy burrito, but no.  I looked at the array of sauces and cheese and guacamole in front of me and I pretty much thought "What's the way of making this the most unhealthy it could possibly be?  Get it all in there."  And so I did. 

I'm out of control and I truly, truly don't know why.  Confession time - I've been having counselling recently (it's finished now) and my therapist asked me why I wasn't taking action over a couple of issues that we've been focusing on.  Inaction over one of the things was completely clear to me - scared of change, fear of rejection and all that jazz.  But this?  Why am I doing everything in my power to screw myself up even more?  Why can't I just stop eating?  I just don't know.  I really can't figure it out.

It's making me so unhappy.  There's an event on next week and I'm probably going to bail out because I'm ashamed of how I look right now.  I don't want to meet people looking like this.  I'm horrified that I haven't lost the weight I'd intended to lose before going to Australia.  We're going to the Sydney Races - I'll have to wear a skirt or a dress...this is disastrous.

I don't really know why I've done this blog post. 

I've just revisited my list of New Year's Resolutions.  I have resolutely failed on all of them except I HAVE given up smoking (go me!) and I have cut down my alcohol intake significantly.  Although now when I do drink...woweeeeeeeeee....it's not a good look. 

Anyway.  Sorry for the moan.  And to my actual, real-life friends, I'm sorry I'm such a miserable bastard right now.  You've been so good to me.

Chicken fatteh

I've been asked for the recipe for the chicken fatteh in my last (very recent) post, so here it is.  It's taken (and slightly adapted) from the most recent Weight Watchers book that my very clever sister wrote.  It's very very easy and utterly delicious - far nicer than it sounds like it's going to be!

Ingredients (for 1 person)

1 chicken breast, sliced
1 tsp mixed spice (I didn't have this so used ground cumin, coriander and cinnamon - less of the cinnamon than the other two, but I think that this mix would be better than mixed spice)
1/2 tsp chilli powder
About 75ml-100ml 0% fat greek yogurt (I used low fat yogurt as it's all I could get)
1 small garlic clove, crushed
1 1/2 small pitta breads (I used a whole large one as I have so many points to use up but you could just use half)
lemon juice
50 ml chicken stock
a handful of cherry tomatoes (5 or 6?) cut into quarters or one large one
8 g pine nut kernels (I used 12g, again because I have lots of points) toasted
chopped fresh coriander

1. Coat the chicken in the spices and chilli.  Dry fry or fry in fry light in a pan until cooked.  Rest for a few minutes before serving.

2. In the meantime, in a bowl combine the yogurt, garlic and a squeeze of lemon.

3. Split the pittas and toast until nice and crunchy - they shouldn't be soft.

4. Make up the chicken stock and add a squeeze of lemon to it.

5. Toast the pine nuts.

ASSEMBLE THE DISH!!!!!

Use a big bowl (like a pasta bowl or something.)

Put the crispy pittas in the bottom and drizzle over the stock.  Scatter over the tomatoes and half of the pine nuts and then pour over half of the yogurt mixture.  Sprinkle over half of your coriander then put the chicken on top, pour over the rest of the yogurt, then pine nuts and finally coriander again. 

It's one of my new favourite things.

I also made it for a delightful vegetarian friend using quorn chunks and roasted aubergine.  It rocked his world - he said it was the nicest thing he'd eaten in a long time, but given that he'd just spent 6 months in the South African bush, I'm not sure how much of a compliment that is. 

Regardless, just make it.  Yummers.

I'm just rubbish

The last month or so has been disappointing.

I rolled into the new year feeling positive, full of vim and vigour and determined to make positive changes and feel happier.  And for a short time it worked. 

On 3^rd January I joined weight watchers and felt like I was completely In The Zone, somewhere I hadn’t been in a good 3 years.  I was enjoying the things that I was eating and found that so long as I wasn’t overly ambitious, I did have the energy to cook low fat, delicious food in the evenings.  I present to you, for example, my chicken fatteh:

SO GOOD. 

But then things started to go a little bit wrong.  I tripped over an uneven paving stone on the way home from work (yes, I was sober) and ended up in a huge amount of pain.  My energy levels took a dive and I started to struggle.  A week later, I ate oysters and started vomiting…and vomiting…and vomiting.  I had 4 days off work and have been feeling pretty shocking since I returned which was almost 2 weeks ago.

As if that isn’t enough, I now have a horrible cold and chest infection and I feel dreadful.  I can’t sleep, my spirits are incredibly low, I have no energy.  The thought of having to see people and do anything is completely overwhelming (Dear friends, I love you, honest.  Please don’t hate me.) 

I have fallen off the weight watchers wagon after losing 8 ½ pounds in 4 weeks.  I couldn’t go today to face up to the damage because I was trying (and failing) to get antibiotics.  I’m slightly relieved as I just can’t face the disappointment and disgust with myself. 

Fat Fran isn’t getting Fin.  I’m horribly aware that I’m going to Australia in 2 months and I’m going to be a huge fatty which is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. 

I just can’t make this work.

New Beginnings

I find Christmas, and the run up to it, pretty hard. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas - I love how sociable it is and that I get to see lots of friends and family - but it's also tough. I totally lose control of myself and gorge and gorge on alcohol and food for a good month. I watch myself getting fatter and fatter and I beat myself up for being a self-destructive idiot with no willpower who is just making a bad situation worse. Christmas also makes me reflect a lot on my life.

I go home for Christmas every year and I'm always hugely excited about it, but then I get there and I'm surrounded by my family's families and it just reminds me that I haven't got a little family of my own, nor am I anywhere near to having one. And I find that difficult, heart-wrenching, soul-destroying and terrifying. Again - don't get me wrong - I love spending time at home with my family, but there are moments where the melancholy breaks through a bit.

So it's a new year. It started well, I saw it in with one of my very favourite people who cares about me a lot and dragged me out to have fun. I danced. I never dance, ever. We got drunk, we ate dirty dirty food at 2am (well I did, he's vegetarian - how dirty can it get?) and then we rolled home to our respective beds.

I woke up on January 1st feeling brilliant and positive and like this could be the year that I get a bit happy and start being a bit nicer to myself. So I made some resolutions:

1. Give up smoking.

Yup. It has to be done. It's disgusting and expensive and I have no lung capacity and, frankly, I have enough vices. This must be done by the end of the year.

2. Drink less; eat less and better things.

I drink too much. I can drink most people under the table. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING. I also eat way too much. Portion control is my nemesis. I'm going to kick its ass this year. I'm also crap at eating fruit and vegetables. These must start featuring at each and every meal.

3. Be nicer to myself & less self-destructive.

Wah wah wah. No real idea how but I'm going to try.

4. Lose 5 stones.

Yes, really. 5. I calculated that I have put on 2lbs per month, on average, over the last 3 years. Idiot. Now I have to lose it. I have lovely small clothes to get back into, I was happy when I was thinner. I've joined weight watchers and I am going to my first meeting today.

5.Take lunch to work a minimum of 3 times a week.

I'm skint. In addition the only places near to my office are Tesco, Pret and Carluccios. Bad. This resolution worries me because I've recently realised something: I don't like cold food. And we have no heating facilities at work. Salad makes me want to shoot myself and I'm not a huge fan of the sandwich. Uh oh.

6. Use the step machine when watching tv.

Yes, I really do own one. I have used it once and I got tired so I hid it. Idiot.

7. De-clutter the flat, paint the kitchen, bathroom and doors.

I have been meaning to paint these things for 5 years. I'm almost certain to break this one because I'm so lazy.

8. Rejoin Guardian Soulmates once thinner and BEHAVE on dates.

My ex really laughed at this one. I do need to behave on dates though. I need to drink less (nothing?) and not get carried away by The Dream (Oh Ny God He's Perfect We Will Totally Get Married And Have Babies And Snuggle On The Sofa Forever And Ever Amen.) Men can SMELL the presence of the dream. I need to BE COOL. I love dating, I'm good at it (not the getting-a-relationship-from-it part, but the date itself is almost always FUN) and the only thing stopping me from dating is my embarrassment at how I currently look.

9. Shop in Nunhead for fresh food.

I'll break this one. I just really, really love Ocado. My bank account hates it.

10. Learn to meditate.

I'm an anxious egg. I spend a lot of time feeling stressed, anxious, worried, whatever you want to call it. I'm trying to stop this but I'm not doing very well. I think it also contributes to my insomnia, so I think that meditating would be good for me. Anyone know how?

11. Stop eating out all the time.

Essential. I can't afford it and it's not diet-friendly. FACT.

And that's pretty much it. Well, there's one more thing but I'm going to be keeping that close to my chest for the time being.

2012 is going to be the year where changes are made. Scary, but brilliant...I hope.

Happy new year.

X

Chinese style beef shin

I've been going through an anti-cooking phase. I'm sleeping really badly at the moment which has resulted in me having pretty much no energy to do anything at all, including eat properly and look after myself. It's probably all a bit of a vicious circle, but I just can't be bothered to fix it. My healthier, more-balanced eating is taking place when others cook for me.

I've just been up in Newcastle visiting my little big sister and her three kids. This is my sister, Chris:



On Saturday night, Chris and I went out for a civilised dinner with my friend Sue (regular readers will remember Sue from my holiday posts.) What was meant to be a civilised dinner ended up with us going to the Pitcher and Piano on the Quayside, which is one of the most godawful places in the world. But funny. Sue and Chris did much dancing. I spent a large part of the evening smoking in the "b@stard cold" to quote a Geordie lass that spoke to me (she was wearing v little, I was wearing a lot.)

Anyhoo, the descent into boozing and dancing left my sister feeling a touch delicate on Sunday morning and left her reluctant to handle the raw meat for our slow-cooked dinner that she'd promised me.

Chinese beef shin (serves 4-6 depending on hunger levels)

Ingredients:

1.25kg beef shin
Vegetable oil
2 onions
3 garlic cloves
50g peeled ginger
Stalks from a bunch of coriander
2 tsp Chinese 5 spice
3 star anise
1 tsp whole black peppercorns
100g muscovado sugar
50ml light soy sauce
50 ml dark soy sauce
2 tbsp tomato purée
600 ml chicken stock








Firstly, trim the beef shin of as much fat as possible. There's quite a bit of it in parts and, frankly, I'm fat enough. Cut it into bite size chunks like so:



Brown these off in a little oil in batches, setting them aside for later.

While the meat is browning, peel and roughly chop the onions, ginger and garlic and put them into a food processor with the coriander stalks and whizz it into a paste.

Wipe out any excess oil from the frying pan and put the paste into the pan with a good slug of water. "Fry" this off so that the onions soften and it smells pretty ace. The water should mostly evaporate and it will look like this:




Transfer the paste to a casserole dish and throw in the 5 spice, star anise and the peppercorns and cook for 1 minute. Add the sugar and tomato purée, cook out for a couple of minutes and then finally add the light and dark soy sauce.




Return the meat to the pan, cover with stock and bring to the boil. Put it in the oven at about 120-130c for 4 hours.




Normally when I have some cooking hours to kill, I watch a film or have a snooze. Yesterday, I showered and got ready to go to the cinema with Chris and the kids.

Part way though my shower, Fin (Chris' 4 year old) barged into the bathroom (no lock, I'm not just weird and forgetful) and refused to leave until I shouted "GET OUT!" repeatedly. I returned to my bedroom and found him sulking in my bed.

After a bit of coaxing, we had a lovely chat, talking about Christmas and such-like, and then the following happened. Fin leant forward and blew a raspberry on my naked arm, looked up at me angelically and said:

Fin: You're a fat guy.
Me: Oh......well yes. I guess I am.
Fin: I'm a thin guy.
Me: You are. You're very lucky.
Fin: So I'm a thin guy and you're a fat guy......Why are you a fat guy?
Me: Well, I eat too much.
Fin: Ahhhh! So you're Mr Greedy!!!
Me: Ummm. Yes. I also don't exercise.
Fin: (nods) Because you're too fat.

It's possibly the most refreshing conversation I've had in years. He's saying what he sees, is being bluntly truthful and it's great. And it made me laugh. It made Chris cringe her ass off. It's also made me go: "OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!! I'm a freaking lard-arse, I MUST FIX THIS IN JANUARY!!!!" Which is no bad thing.

Anyway. Once the cooking time is up and the beef is falling apart, remove the meat and keep warm.




Fish around in the sauce for the star anise and throw them away. The sauce needs to be reduced by half which you can do while you're cooking rice and stir frying veggies - we had peppers, baby sweetcorn and mushrooms with soy sauce and pak choi stir fried and finished with sesame seeds and a dribble of sesame oil.




Add the meat back to the thickened reduced sauce and serve (I know, I will never be a food stylist):




Incredibly easy and so tasty. The meat really takes on the Chinesey flavours. I'm going to try it with pig cheeks next time, simply because I prefer them and I think that they would work brilliantly in this, possibly better even than the beef.

So there we are. Something to eat, but only if you're a fat guy.*

* it's actually not really bad for you at all!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Piggy heaven

I’ve kind of lost my blog mojo, both in terms of writing blog posts (I’ve been meaning to blog this recipe for a couple of weeks and have failed miserably) and doing the actual dieting itself.  For reasons that I’m not going to go into here, I’m not in the greatest of places right now – every area of my life is complicated, stressful and making me sad and I have no motivation or enthusiasm to do anything but try to survive each day as best I can.  Some days it’s easier which is largely down to the fact that I have some truly incredible friends who have gone above and beyond the call of duty by putting up with me.  Other days, it’s not so easy. 

Consequently, I am now at my absolute heaviest and the scary bit is I don’t think I even care that much.  I DO, as I know I look horrible and I feel uncomfortable and the numbers on the scales are frightening (not that I’ve looked at those for a few weeks) but I actually can’t be bothered to do anything about it.  I need comfort, which usually presents itself in the form of poached/scrambled/fried eggs on toast or a big pile of rice or pasta, and that’s all that I’m about right now. 

This recipe is the ultimate in comforting…the most comforty comfort food I think I’ve ever had.  I grew up in a household with an AGA so casseroles, fish pies, shepherd pies and so on were what we lived on.  That, and the fact that my mum is a brilliant cook, meant that we ate fantastically well and healthily (evidenced by the fact that I only put on weight once I left home, went to university and discovered takeaway for the first time!) but, I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten anything quite as delicious as these pig cheeks.  Sorry mummy (but thank you @misswhiplash who sent me the original recipe!  I am forever in your debt.)

Pig cheeks with leeks and onions (makes 8 portions)

Ingredients:

2kg pig cheeks (in my bag from @markymarket, 2 kg = 24 cheeks – perfect)

Seasoned flour

2-4 tbsp olive oil

5 onions, finely sliced

3 leeks, split lengthways down the middle and sliced finely

10 sprigs of thyme, leaves removed

3 bay leaves

2 tbsp honey (runny, not set)

400ml white wine

400ml chicken stock

2 tbsp Dijon mustard

100ml half fat crème fraiche (mixed with a little cornflour)

Or in pictorial form, here they are!

Pig cheeks are amazing.  Little nuggets of loveliness, unlike the HELL ON EARTH that is an ox cheek – they’re big beasts that are nigh on impossible to get a knife through and make you sweat.  Never, ever try to prepare ox cheeks when you have a tiny baby kitten in the house as it will drive them wild and they will discover that by digging their claws into your clothes/flesh/whatever (OUCH), they can climb all the way up to your shoulder and sit there like a parrot, mewing away longingly. 

But that’s by the by.  Now, I don’t know if it’s technically necessary to remove the silvery layer on the top of them (I have no idea what that is even called) but I decided to because it looks suspiciously like it may involve a bit of fat and I wanted to lose all unnecessary fat that I could.  So, trim off your pig cheeks until you have a stack of them that look beautiful, like this:

Heat up a non-stick frying pan and start rolling the cheeks in some seasoned flour.  Add as little oil to the frying pan as you can get away with and then start browning off the cheeks in batches, they’ll probably need a couple of minutes on each side.  They smell awesome.

Once they’re all browned off, leave them on a plate on the side while you get on with the vegetables.  

At this point, I switched to my enormous casserole.  I debated doing this bit in fry light, that evil spray stuff, but given that the leeks and onions are supposed to caramelise, I thought that would be a bit disastrous, so I probably used around 1-2 tbsp of oil, added the leeks and onion and fried incredibly gently (lid off) for about 25 minutes, at which point they should be soft and silky and look like this:

Sprinkle in the thyme leaves, pour in the honey and increase the heat under the pan.  Cook this for a few minutes until it’s a bit sticky.  Apparently it’s meant to go a bit brown, mine didn’t and I’m fine with that. 

Pop the pig cheeks into the pot, add the wine and the chicken stock, some seasoning and the bay leaves and give it a big old stir.  You need to bring this to the boil and then transfer it to the oven (around 140c – even lower if you want to cook it for longer) for a good 3-4 hours:

After several hours, check that the pig cheeks are perfect (eat a bit!  You totally deserve it) and then do a bit of fishing around for all the cheeks as they need to be taken out so you can make the sauce delicious.  Look how awesome the cheeks are!!

To make the sauce, add the mustard and the crème fraiche to the cooking liquid (don’t forget to stir cornflour into the crème fraiche before adding - @rankamateur’s top tip to stop it from splitting or forming lumps in the sauce, and it works!), bring it to the boil and reduce it so that it’s nice and thick and saucy.  Check the seasoning and then put the cheeks back in and serve, 3 cheeks per person, like this (although a carb with it would be an idea):

My ex has recently moved into a flat on his own and when I visited him about 10 days ago, I took him a few of my freezer goodies to start him off.  On Tuesday night, he had the pig cheeks.  I came into work yesterday to the following one line email:  “OMNOMNOM.”  He’s absolutely bloody right.