Who can? DUKAN!!

I've neglected this for a while, mainly because I've been busy eating as much as physically possible in preparation for my latest foray into the world of FatFranGetsFin.   On my list of things to be certain to eat Pre-Diet were:

 

- toad-in-the-hole;

- pasta with crumbled sausages and cream;

- dim sum (fail - had to get a new telly delivered so made the garlickiest, butteriest poussins instead);

- sausage sandwiches;

- instant noodle sandwiches;

- tasting menu at Alyn Williams at the Westbury;

- buttered toast;

- chocolate pudding with cream;

- roast potatoes;

- mashed potatoes;

- buttery rice;

- more buttered toast;

- salt and pepper squid.

It was pretty amazing but it had the effect of increasing my (already sizeable) heft by around 10lbs in just shy of 4 weeks.   Which is quite a lot.   It also meant that I started the New Diet being approximately a stone heavier than ever previously recorded.  Go me! 

And the new diet?   Dukan.   That's right everyone - despite all my waxing lyrical about how I disapprove of any diets that cut out entire food groups and that it's far better to be able to eat everything in moderation (yada yada yada) I'm embracing the French fad and am cutting out carbs, fat, alcohol and, let's face it, fun.

Dukan is divided into 4 stages, the first of which (Attack) is a short, sharp kick up the arse in an effort to shock the system and get a big weight loss fast.  It is pure protein.  It's also bloody difficult and lasts between 2 and 6 days...I had to do it for the full 6. "What's so hard about eating lots of meat?" you might ask...well yes, but what on earth are you going to eat for breakfast?  And what for lunch when you have no cooking or heating facilities at work?   What will you have with your evening steak?  Remember, this is pure protein.  No vegetables allowed.  Fat free dairy is permitted and where I once hated yogurt, it has become my lifesaver.  It is, after all, not meat.

It's been very hard. Breakfast has largely consisted of fat free fruit yogurts with oatbran muffins (you have to eat a little oatbran every day to keep you pooing).  Look at my cinnamon muffins! They're actually really pretty good, satisfy a sweet craving and it takes minutes to knock up a batch.

 

Lunch is a killer for me. Cold meat, cold fish, cold eggs.  I may have mentioned this before, but I do not like cold food.  It's wet, boring and, well, COLD.  I tried making a chicken and quark quiche (no pastry, obviously) but rendered it in edible with excessive use of tarragon.  That lunch ended up in the bin, as have several others.  I'm convinced that this diet partly works because it makes you hate food a bit.  As an aside, don't ever put chicken into a quiche - it doesn't taste of anything.  Bland, bland, bland.  My first Dukan lunch was prawns in Dukan mayonnaise - possibly the most heinous thing I have ever eaten in my life: 

 

 

Appetising?  No.  For the love of God, never make Dukan mayonnaise, it's filth. 

 

Leftovers for lunch have worked a little bit better, as has dinner. I made a delicious spicy meatloaf (below) which I had with a plain yogurt dip, steak and eggs and I've had a pretty tasty chicken soup with shirataki noodles. These noodles are weird and bouncy but they're a lifesaver for bulking things out a bit and making you feel that you're having a carb. Downside is that, like meat and fish, they're very expensive but, I think, worth it.  Here's the meatloaf:

 

I know it looks disgusting, but it was awesome - meaty, spicy, oniony and when served with yogurt it rocked my world a bit.  It's actually impossible to make meatloaf look pretty so I didn't even try.

 

A strange side-effect of meat, meat meat is that I've found myself desperately craving sweet things. There are lots of recipes for sweet things in the Dukan recipe book but most require gelatine and I have no idea how to use it plus, for me, a sweet craving requires instant satisfaction - there's little point having a pre-prepared pudding in the fridge because there is a high chance that I just won't want it and it will go off.  The very wonderful @RishaEats has been a mine of Dukan-based information and inspiration and suggested freezing yogurts which is INSPIRED.  New favourite thing.  I've also turned into a toddler and have embraced sweetened milk to satisfy the craving.

 

So.  I made it through the 6 days.  It was very difficult, it was pretty miserable at (lunch)times, but I did it.  And I am 10 1/2 pounds lighter at the end of it which is, frankly, brilliant.  There is absolutely no doubt that this diet works.  It requires iron will but I've got that for the first time in years.  Rather than go straight onto Dukan, I settled back, read about it, took in as much information as I could, PLANNED and ate myself silly to the point where I was ready to change.  And it's worked.  And I'm happy.

 

And my reward?  I can now eat vegetables again every other day.

 

HELLO CABBAGE!!!!  Hello Stage 2!  Let's Cruise...